You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if only i could text you this smell
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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