nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
