She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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