Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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