you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
