Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
