put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
