I intend to get homeless drunk
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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