Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
