Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
