Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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