Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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