I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My feet surprised me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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