UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
