A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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