well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
