Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
being pregnant is like rehab
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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