all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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