Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
