I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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