I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
