He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
should my penis look like a turkey
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
