Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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