when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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