I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
God, you're like boner-b-gone
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
