He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
