God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
