new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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