I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
