Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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