If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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