Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Found your dick twin last night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
