When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
