just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize