She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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