put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
