I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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