you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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