covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
