is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
