You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
