When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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