she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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