You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I still have a little drunk in my system
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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