There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
