oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
