If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
my poor anus
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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