Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
