i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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