He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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