just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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