He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
